I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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