Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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