The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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