i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
