if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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