You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My liver just broke up with me...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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