I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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