yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
