My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
