he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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