she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
