youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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