so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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