how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
