I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
