There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
