I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
