Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
