3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
