Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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