I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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