ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize