The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
