A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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