i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
