i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
