I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
nutella sex= disaster
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
