i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
