You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
