3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
