Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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