So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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