Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
