If i could tip my vagina, i would.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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