I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
