Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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