Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
