It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
