Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
