i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
