dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
3pm strippers are depressing
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
