Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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