if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
