Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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