His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
