so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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