so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
