just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
