I must be too annoying 4 u.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
