I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
