k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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