imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
