You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Houston, we have a squirter
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
