Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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