At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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