My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
FUCK WHALES
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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