So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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