is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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