erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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