and you said cock pushups were impossible
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
