I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize