i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
