and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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