Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
