Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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