If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
